i want so much from life and nothing. i have breakdowns daily and build ups to more nothing. i cant keep the long term in the short term. whats the time frame anyway? i feel everything and nothing and cant reconcile the difference. there is just not enough time to do a damn thing i want to do lately. i cant see a change on the horizon, so i spent half an hour crying into aaron’s shoulder this morning. my eyes remained swollen and so i did nothing but lay here and watch tv and now feel ever shittier. fuck. just fuck. i feel like screaming but im this meek little fuck so i wont. and still everyone will assume im angry and mean or something equally stupid. i need self care, whatever the fuck that even means anymore. nothing helps. fuck!
